Another Life – Chapter 43

School was out, and I was back to working full time at the garage. I worked 6 days a week. For one thing, I needed the money, but I also felt like I owed it to Uncle Ray. Besides, I still had a lot to learn.

Rose had a summer job with the city. Her evenings and weekends were free. We still had breakfast together, every day, and she continued to walk me down to the garage, before catching a bus downtown.

We were both a little worried that we were spending too much time together.

– “We won’t get stale, will we?” she wondered. “I don’t want you to get tired of me.”

– “I won’t.”

– “How can you be so sure?”

– “Well, first and foremost, because you’re not a chatterbox. You never talk just for the sake of talking. And because I’m perfectly comfortable being with you even when we’re not talking. I just like being in the same room with you. Remember last Sunday?”

We had spent the afternoon in the living room, with the door to the balcony open, and a cool breeze blowing through. Rose was reading something by Ursula K. LeGuin, and I was starting yet another book she’d passed me: Papillon. It was about a guy sentenced to prison in French Guiana.

Rose had a great knack for picking books I’d like. When I’d looked up, after reading for an hour or so, I just felt this wave of affection for her wash over me. I might be explaining it wrong – but I felt lucky, and loved, and absolutely sure that I was in the right place.

After reading for another hour or so, I stood up, and took Rose by the hand. I led her into her bedroom, and made love to her again.

Rose remembered. I had tried to explain the wave that came over me. It made her very, very happy.

We had one other concern. After making love for 27 days straight, we both worried that we might fall into some sort of rut. We didn’t want to make love to a schedule, or go to be together just because we felt we had to.

– “Variety is good.” said Rose. We tried quickies, and just cuddling or holding each other before we fell asleep. I wasn’t so good at that last bit; when I held Rose, I got hard, and I wanted her.

She was fairly conservative in her tastes. One evening, I attacked her in the living room while Laurie was doing the dishes in the kitchen. I could have sworn that Rose had an earth-shattering orgasm as I ate her on the couch, but she panicked when I turned her around and started to fuck her from behind. She was clearly uncomfortable, so we moved to my bedroom.

But she was always willing to try to please me, to learn what I liked.

– “I wish you’d been my first.” she said.


I should have known that something was up when Rose missed breakfast. I checked her room, but she’d gotten up super early, and was already gone. It was odd, though, because she didn’t have to work on a Saturday, and she hadn’t said anything to me the day before.

Last night, she’d gone out with a couple of girlfriends, while I hung out with Eli. By the time I’d got home, she was already in, and her bedroom door was closed, so I didn’t disturb her. But it was strange that she would leave in the morning without saying a word to me. It was so odd, that I asked Laurie if she knew where Rose was.

– “I didn’t hear her go out.” said Laurie. She looked a little worse for wear.

– “You okay?”

She jerked a thumb at Rina’s bedroom. “You-know-who had company last night. All three of us were awake until the early hours of the morning. Didn’t you hear it?”

I hadn’t. Rose and I had talked Rina into oiling her bed springs, which helped – a bit.

There was no point disturbing Rina if she had a boyfriend over. I went to work, wondering what had happened. It was one of the mixed blessings of the era before cell phones. I had no way to reach Rose, to ask Rose where she was … because I didn’t know where she was.

I called the apartment on my lunch break, but no one answered the phone.

After a long day, I walked home in the sweltering heat. As I went up the stairs, I called out “Rose? You home?”

Laurie and Rina were sitting at the kitchen table. They looked … like they had just come from a funeral.

– “What happened?”

– “She left a note on your desk.” said Laurie.

– “What?” I had no idea what that meant. But I went to my room, to find an envelope with my name on it. I tore it open.

Dear Joe,

I wish you would raise the level of your ambitions. Getting laid isn’t a high enough aspiration for someone like you. You’re a great guy, Joe, and I truly believe that you could make some girl very happy.

I will always remember the good times we had, and what you did for me.

Your friend,


I had no idea what this meant – or where it was coming from. On a hunch, I went to her room. The bed was neatly made. But her closet had been thinned out. I checked the bathroom: her toiletries were missing.

– “She’s gone.” I said, to my roommates.

Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 44

Eric looked happy to be a suspect. When Teresa asked if anyone knew who Barbara was, we answered in chorus: “The Falcon!” Some of the others were generous enough to admit that I had come to that conclusion first.

She read her description:

THE FALCON – You were one of Redbeard’s top lieutenants, and most likely to succeed him. Loyalty led you to sign on as a sailor aboard HMS Retribution, in the hopes that you might arrange your Captain’s escape. But you also know that his treasure is somewhere on the ship – and that it would be enough money to set you up as a pirate captain in your own right. Beware, though: your old rival Ned Mulligan was recently sighted in Kingston …

I gave Teresa a quick look and a grin. She had set me up quite thoroughly. The Scar was out to kill me, and the Falcon knew I was around. I was lucky to have survived.

Ben was next. He guessed that Leo was the murderer. Maybe that was where Craig and Claire got the idea. He was a bit annoyed when most of us guessed that he was the Scar. But he hammed it up when he read his character sheet, growling and snarling.

THE SCAR – You were one of Redbeard’s most notorious and villainous associates, renowned for your skill with pistol and cutlass, your cruelty and ruthlessness. You know that Redbeard’s treasure is aboard, and will stop at nothing to get it all for yourself. You know that the gypsy is aboard, and that she can help you to locate it – if you can seduce her, or marry her. Finally, your arch-rival Ned Mulligan may be aboard. It’s time to dispose of him once and for all.

– “Whew!” said Eric. “That’s quite the bucket list.”

– “Wait a minute!” said Barb. “What’s this ‘all for yourself’ crap? Were you gonna backstab me at the very end?”

I tried not to laugh aloud. I was more than a little pleased to see that Ben had failed to achieve any of his goals. Except for having sex with Barbara, I guess. I glanced at Teresa again. Had she been trying to steer Ben towards Lena? She had also made a point of asking me to ‘be nice’ to her. Was that some elaborate plot to have Ben and me fighting over Lena?

It was Eric’s turn.

– “I think that the murderer is Colin.” he said.

I tried to look innocent and offended at the same time. “Me? Why?”

– “You had a pistol. You could easily have gone to the basement – almost everybody did that first night. And you had more of a motive than Ben, or Leo.”

– “Anybody know who Eric was?” asked Teresa.

All of the good guys knew that he was a runaway priest, since he had performed the wedding ceremony. Then we had to explain about the marriage.

– “Wait a minute!” cried Barbara. “Colin and Lena got married? That’s so cute!” She got up and came over to me, to give me a big hug and a wet kiss. Then she did the same to Lena.

– “You married her?” asked Ben. “Just to make sure that I couldn’t? And I fucking missed! Aaargh! I still can’t believe I rolled a ‘2’!”

Teresa had Eric read his description.

TOM HOOK – You sailed with Redbeard years ago, and participated in some of his bloodiest atrocities. You were having horrific nightmares, and couldn’t do it anymore. You deserted, and ran away to become a priest, trying to atone for all the crimes you committed so long ago. When you heard about Redbeard’s capture, your remembered his treasure, hidden aboard his ship. You could build a decent church with all that money. But beware of the Falcon and the Scar – they may remember you.

– “Would you really have spent your share of the treasure on a church?” asked Leo. “Or would you drink it?”

– “Maybe a bit of both.” admitted Eric. Then he stood up. “While I have the floor, I just want to say thanks to Teresa. This was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the treasure hunt, and all the clues, and everything.”

– “Hear, hear!” said Eliza. Others joined in.

Teresa waved her hand. “Eliza deserves the credit, for hosting us all.” There was a little mutual admiration society scene, and then some hugging, before everyone resumed their seats.

Sheila was next. Her guess took us all by surprise.

– “I think Teresa was the murderer.”

– “What? Why would you say that?” asked Barbara.

– “Well, I don’t feel sure about any of the other suspects. Besides, Teresa had a pistol. She also had the key to his cell. Remember the vomit? Maybe she fed him something that made him puke, or pass out. That way she could get close and shoot Redbeard while he was out cold.”

– “Interesting.” said Teresa, without giving anything away. “Does anyone know who Sheila was?”

– “She told us her name.” I said. “Any relation to Anne Bonny?”


Kita – Chapter 43 – Salon’s Too Big Without You

It’s been a month and I’m already losing interest in Kita. Out of sight, out of mind.

I’m so fickle.

I think It’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I haven’t seen my girlfriend Cherie because of finals, having two jobs, a son, and car troubles has kept her away. I don’t really mind. I can go for long periods without sex. There are already new ones coming in and I’m connecting with them. So fun. There’s a new girl who loves tanning and I think she’s addicted because she’s in here nearly every day. I really like her. (See: Delaney – The New Number One? ) I’ve been in touch with another girl that’s just getting back from vacation. Her name is Cheryl and if all goes as planned I’ll be meeting her for wine in the near future. (See: Cheryl – The Bronze Goddess) 

So I’ve been dating and hanging with my girls, but Kita’s in Florida and I miss her but she’s mentally checked out. She said before she left that she’d text me and send me pics from Florida. I hadn’t heard a peep out of her for a month, and just yesterday I get this text:

“Hi!!!! I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch a lot. I’ve been with family and in the Keys and enjoying doing nothing. I hope you had a great holidays (Smiley emoji)”

I waited a couple of hours to respond, because after this long of a silence and zero contact, I can’t make it look like I’m hanging on my phone waiting to hear from her.

“Hey Kita! I miss you! It’s okay! You needed a break. I had great holidays! Are you super dark  from the Florida sun?”


Nothing. Haven’t heard from her again. No response. I was hoping for a response. Any response. A little pic of how brown my baby is in a bikini would have been the proper response. I would have loved that. But no. Nothing. It’s like she was underwater for a month, came up for a breath of air, texted me and then slipped back below the waves!

I may not be over Kita and I know we still have some romantic time to get to. That’s on the back burner. What if in the month she’s been gone she’s rekindled something with one of her guys? What if she’s come to her senses and knows kissing me will only lead to something more?

I hate the sound of crickets but I’m comfortable with them now. I’m happy in my life. Baby owes me nothing. She’s a young girl confused with her life and keeps kissing me when she’s stressed. She’s beautiful and I’m happy to help her.

Who cares what it is. I should probably broach the subject with my girlfriend, Cherie. She likes girls and maybe we can have a three-way.

That would be fun. Maybe I need to call Cherie and have that conversation. (That would be an insane night!)

But I find as I get older I’m better at dealing with loss. I like Kita, but if I never saw her again I’d be fine. I think as one grows older in a life that’s rich in experience, loss is just part of life. My parents are dead. I’ll never see them again. That’s a hard fact of growing old. Me not getting to see some cute little chick who doesn’t even know who she is yet, is no skin off my nose. In the past month I’ve met some new interesting girls that are going to be good regular clients and they’ll move up on my list.

That could all change when I lay eyes on my little brown nut when next she enters the salon. She’ll be getting back tomorrow, so we’ll see if she comes in tomorrow night, or the day after that. I’m sure she’s super tan from Florida but I know she won’t be able to stay away from here because she’s addicted to being tan.

And that’s where I come in.

Update: After knowing that she saw and read my response to her text last Friday and saying nothing, I get a text three days later on Monday:

“I’m coming in to tan tomorrow (Smiley Emoji)”

I didn’t respond. I don’t think I want Kita to be my number one anymore. But I still like her. I think it’s time for someone else to take the number one spot on my list.



Another Life – Chapter 42

We made love again the next night, and the night after that. We didn’t try to hide it from our roommates. They knew from the first, anyway. Both were tremendously pleased that we were together. But that didn’t stop them from teasing us about it.

– “Geez,” said Laurie, “it’s like a toothpaste commercial in here, with all the smiling!”

– “Are you guys sure you’re doing it right?” asked Rina. “Because I can’t hear anything down in my room. Maybe you could leave your door open a little wider …”

Eli was genuinely pleased for me, too.

– “You look happy, Joe.” he said.

– “That’s because I am.”

– “You didn’t look like this – or talk like this – with Barbara or Tanya.”

He was right. Then I found out that there was another reason why Eli was happy for me.

“So, would it be okay with you if I asked Laurie out?” he asked.

– “Of course it would. You don’t need my permission.”

– “Well,” he said, “I just got used to holding off on that one. I thought there was some kind of … chemistry there. Between the two of you.”

– “That’s just friendship, Eli. Laurie and I talked about it – we’re much better off as friends.”

– “You’re sure?” he asked.

– “Of course I’m sure. I just said so. Why do you keep asking?”

– “I had a friend in high school.” he said. “We both liked this girl. But he liked her first, so I backed off. Then, one day, he said he wasn’t interested any more – that he had the hots for a completely different girl.”

“I asked him three times – he said he was sure. So a couple of days later, I went up to her and told her how I felt.”

– “Your buddy changed his mind again?” I guessed.

– “The very next day.” said Eli.

– “So going out with this girl cost you a friend?”

– “No. I never went out with her. She slapped my face. But I lost that friend anyway.”

– “That doesn’t sound fair.” I said – while trying not to laugh. “But I can guarantee you that it won’t happen in this case. Laurie and I are just friends. And, as you may have noticed, I’m really happy with Rose.”

– “If you’re absolutely sure …”

We set up a night out so that it wouldn’t look like an obvious double date. Rose and I took Laurie to the Lion, and Eli just happened to be there. He wasn’t involved in our little deception, because he would have blurted out the truth at the first opportunity.

I was dying to know how Eli was going to approach this.

– “Hey, Eli.” she said.

– “Hey, Laurie. You know, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you for a long time.”

– “What’s that?”

– “You’ve got great tits.”

Rose spit half her drink across the table. I got partially sprayed, and Eli got a little wet, too, but it didn’t faze him. I just stared at him in horror, and then turned to Laurie. She was perfectly capable of knocking his block off.

She laughed.

Laurie laughed until her stomach cramped, and tears came to her eyes. When she could finally breathe again, she said: “You’re a funny guy, Eli.”

– “So, would you go out with me sometime?” he asked, with a big grin.

– “Why not?” said Laurie.

Later that night, as we walked home, Rose had to ask.

– “Are you really going to go out with him, Laurie?”

– “Sure. Anybody who can make me laugh like that deserves a shot.”


Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 43

The Big Reveal

Finally, Teresa called us together for the ‘Big Reveal’, as she called it. We moved inside, gathering chairs into a big circle, and getting fresh drinks. Our Captain placed us individually, in the same order as her list that had been posted in the kitchen – the same one that helped us find the treasure.

Claire was first, then Eliza. Craig looked so forlorn, that Teresa relented. She had the girls trade places, so that Claire and Craig could sit together. Leo was next, then Barb and Ben. Eric was 7th. Sheila, Lena, and I ended up sharing the couch.

Teresa explained her rules for the grand finale. “You will all vote for the person you think is the murderer. You may also explain your reasons, or your theory, and how you came by it. After your vote, the rest of us can guess who you really are. Finally, you can reveal your secret motives and your goals. Are we ready? Claire, you were #1. You can start.”

Claire blushed, of course. “I think the murderer was … Leo.” She pointed a finger at her brother.

– “Me? Isn’t it enough that you shot me? Now you have to kill my reputation, too?”

– “Why, Claire?” asked Teresa. “Why do you think it’s him?”

– “I don’t know. He looks … shifty.” She had no clue. Claire probably simply adopted the same theory as her companions on the ‘bad’ side.

– “Does anyone know who Claire was?” asked Teresa. “Anyone other than Ben, Barb, or Craig?”

– “A pirate groupie.” guessed Sheila.

– “A wannabe pirate.” I said.

Teresa handed Claire another copy of her character description, and encouraged her to read it to us.

PENNY – an adventurous young woman, you always wanted to be a pirate. You ran away from home so that you could go to Kingston and join Redbeard’s crew. You arrived too late; he had already been arrested. Friendless, and desperate for work, you sign on as a sailor aboard HMS Retribution.

– “Did you have any special equipment?” prompted Teresa.

Claire blushed again. “I had … the Bible.”

– “Which you gave to Colin.” said Ben, with exasperation. From the very slight hesitation before he said my name, I knew that he wanted to say ‘fucking Colin’.

– “I traded her information for it.” I said. “She had no way of knowing that it would be valuable later.” I was just trying to get her off the hook. From the look she shot me, I think that Claire appreciated it.

– “Craig.” said Teresa. “Your turn. Who do you think the murderer is?”

– “Leo.” said Craig. “He had a pistol. Plus, I saw him go down into the basement.”

– “To get a beer.” said Leo. “Completely innocent.”

– “Does anybody know who Craig was?” asked Teresa.

– “Another wannabe?” guessed Sheila.

– “No.” said Eliza. “He was a pirate.”

Craig read us his character description, supplied by Teresa.

ONE-EYED JACK – a former member of Redbeard’s crew, you were able to escape capture. You signed on as a sailor on HMS Retribution, hoping that you could either rescue Redbeard, or locate his hidden treasure. Be careful: there will be agents of the Crown aboard, including the Captain.

– “I had a pistol, too.” said Craig. “I probably should have worn an eye patch. Sorry about that.”

– “That’s OK.” said Sheila. “Maybe you were the jack of hearts.”

– “Or spades.” said Eric. When everybody but Sheila looked at him, Eric shrugged. “Two of the jacks in a deck of playing cards only show one eye. Hearts, and spades.” That was my friend Eric: the idiot savant.

– “Leo?” said Teresa. “You’re up.”

My buddy turned and pointed. “Ben is the murderer. He had a pistol. Plus, I saw him go into the basement. I went to get a few beers, but Ben came up with nothing in his hands.”

– “Any guesses who Leo was?” asked our Captain.

The most anybody knew was that he wasn’t a pirate. Leo took great pleasure in reading his brief bio.

ENSIGN MAYWEATHER – You are a naval officer, disguised as a common sailor. Your mission is twofold: ensure that the pirate Redbeard reaches Barbados to stand trial, and discover if any members of his crew or other pirates are aboard the ship.

– “A narc?” said Eric. “Were you going to turn us in and confiscate the treasure? Now I don’t feel so bad that you got shot.”

Barbara was next. When Teresa called her name, Barbara sat up straighter. “I’m going to say that the killer is … Eric. I don’t quite know why. Just a feeling.”

Another Life – Chapter 41

She kissed me softly, at first. But soon the kisses grew in intensity, and Rose turned to press the length of her body against mine.

We had all night. Unlike on our first date, I wasn’t the least bit nervous. I knew what was going to happen. It was all about pleasing Rose. I was prepared to go slowly. But it was Rose who pushed the pace. She took hold of my hand, and brought it to her breast.

I caressed her through her clothes. Then I ran my finger along the edge of her shirt, from her shoulder, down to the upper slope of her chest, and into the great cleft between her breasts. Then I ran my finger just under her shirt, along her other breast, and up to her shoulder.

Rose shivered, and looked at me with bright eyes. Her lips were parted. I repeated the process, this time with four fingers.

Then I reached for the top button. I undid it slowly, deliberately. If Rose was anything like me, the anticipation alone would be increasing her pleasure. After each button, I looked into her eyes.

Her bra was a big, industrial strength support garment. It had to be.

– “Take it off.” I whispered.

Rose closed her eyes for a moment, and smiled. Then she sat up, and began taking off her shirt. When she reached behind her back to undo her bra, I kept my eyes on hers.

I have to admit, though, that when she took it off, I lost my concentration. Her breasts were just … awesome. Despite their enormous size, they didn’t sag, but stood up high and proud on her chest.

They were heavy, and surprisingly firm – not at all what I had expected. I quickly discovered that Rose’s nipples were extremely sensitive. They were erect and protruding before I had gone anywhere near them.

Rose’s breasts were simply amazing. I let my hand roam over their extensive surfaces, skirting her jutting nipples for now. I tried to avoid focusing on her boobs, incredible as they were: I didn’t want her thinking – even for a second – that I was only interested in her chest.

– “Now your pants.” I said. I reached for the button on her jeans.

I slid down the bed, and helped pull her pants off. Rose trusted me enough to let me do it. She had on a pair of white cotton panties with little hearts on them. She blushed as I looked at them.

– “You have great legs.” I said. For once, she didn’t contradict me.

“May I?” I asked, as I reached for her panties.

Rose lifted her hips to let me slide her undergarment down her legs. She had a healthy bush, I saw, though it was neatly trimmed. I didn’t stare, though: I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

So I took off my own shirt, keeping my eyes on her as I undid each button. Rose watched me, lips parted as before. Then I lay down beside her, and took her in my arms.

– “You’re so beautiful.” I whispered.

We kissed again, though our hands were more active. Rose actually reached for my belt buckle, but I stopped her.

“Not yet.” I said.

I kissed her cheeks, and her chin, and down her neck. I trailed kisses across the tops of her breasts, so smooth and so firm. Finally, I ran my tongue over and around her nipples.

But I didn’t linger. I kissed the undersides of her breasts – to be honest, I could have spent half an hour doing that alone. Instead, I trailed kisses down her ribs, across her stomach, and up the other side. Meanwhile, I caressed her leg with my hand.

When I got below her navel, and began to move further south, Rose sat up suddenly, and reached for me.

– “Joe, you don’t have to do that.”

I gently pushed her hand away. “Rose, I want to.” She didn’t fight me when I crawled up the bed again, and lowered her onto her back.

That just made me start over: kisses, cheeks, neck, bountiful breasts, ribs and stomach … Rose was tense, and nervous, where she hadn’t been before.

– “Joe …”

I suspected it then, but only found out for sure later – neither of Rose’s previous partners (admittedly, there were only two) had ever gone down on her. Assholes. What kind of man expects a blowjob, but won’t reciprocate?

It took a bit of work to relax my girl again. I had to massage her legs, all the way down to her feet, before she came to terms with the idea that I not only wanted to be between her legs, but that I was happy to be there.

Slow, slower, and patient. She was wet even before I got there. I didn’t use any of the tricks I’d learned to get Rose to come quickly. Quite the opposite. I kissed and licked her inner thighs, and all around her outer lips, long before I went to the pink flesh of her inner lips.

Rose didn’t speak, but her sighs and moans were very helpful in telling me what she liked – and it seemed that she liked most everything I was doing.

Her orgasm was fascinating: she caught her breath, said “Ahh”, and stiffened everywhere. Both of her legs jerked, as if she was having muscle spasms – almost kicking me in the nuts as she did.

Rose reached for me, her fingers fluttering. I pulled back, instead, and shucked my pants and underwear. I pulled a condom packet from my back pocket, and tore it open.

I moved up the bed, between her legs. Rose looked up, and saw the desire in my eyes.

– “Oh … yes.” she said.

The moment of penetration – especially the very first time – is exquisite for a man. Rose told me – later – that for her, it was like the sealing of a promise, or the fulfilling of a compact.

It was so much more for me. As I entered her, I trembled. For some reason, I had a vision, or a premonition, that I would be doing this again with Rose – many, many more times.

She was warm, and wet … I pushed into her gently. I pulled back carefully, almost all the way, and then slid back in. Her eyes were on me the whole time. We had a little trouble finding a matching rhythm, at first. By the time we did, I lasted less than a minute before I came.

It didn’t matter. Rose enfolded me in her arms, and pulled me close. We lay side by side, whispering endearments. Then we started kissing, and not too much longer after that, I was traipsing across the hall to my room, to get another condom.

Our second attempt was significantly better. Rose wasn’t nervous at all, and we just … fit together. It was shockingly intimate, and yet it felt like the most natural thing on earth. We smiled at each other as I propped myself up on my hands and glided in and out of her.

It wasn’t the end of our friendship, or the beginning of some kind of transition. Instead, it just felt like the most wonderful, most natural thing in the world.

Sometime before dawn, I had to make another trip to my room, to get a third condom.


Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 42

“What happens to us?” asked Barbara.

– “I don’t really know.” admitted Teresa. “You have a knife on me, but Sheila and Eliza left two knives for the other side. Claire is tending to Craig’s wound, so that leaves just Ben, unarmed, against three of them, with two knives.”

I looked at Eric and Lena. “What do you want to do?”

– “We must save Teresa.” said Lena.

– “That’s not a bad idea.” said Eric. “We could benefit from a royal pardon. Worst case scenario, she doesn’t know about our past, so we just go on to Barbados.”

– “I can’t believe you lost the treasure.” moaned Leo.

– “Shut up, Leo – you’re dead.” I told him. “Alright, Captain. Is there another boat? What if we let Barbara and her accomplices escape, as long as they release you?”

– “There is a second boat.” said Teresa.

It took a while to work out the details, but eventually, we got it settled. Barb and Ben got the second boat, with food and water. Claire chose to stay, to look after Craig. Teresa was released, and Eric, Lena and I were still alive.

– “And that means … that we are done.” said Teresa. “All except for the big reveal – when we find out who the murderer is – which we can do after dinner.”

I drew barbecue duty again, with Leo. We were having baby back ribs, and a variety of salads, including Eliza’s famous potato salad.

– “I don’t see why I should have to cook.” complained Leo. “After all, I’m dead.”

– “Dead men don’t need to eat. Or drink.” I said. “Besides, Claire shooting you was just classic. You’ll be telling your grandkids about it.”

– “Yeah, probably. If I ever have any.”

– “Have you talked to Eliza?” I asked him.

– “About what?” said Leo.

– “Alright, be that way. But one of these days, you have to tell her how you feel. For your own sanity. And mine.”

Teresa was approaching, carrying a tray full of ribs.

– “Keep it down.” hissed Leo.

– “Why?” I said, quietly. “She already knows.”

– “Already knows what?” asked Teresa.

– “That you did a fantastic job, Teresa. With everything.” I said, quickly.

– “Yeah.” agreed Leo. “It was awesome. Even though I ‘died’. The whole thing with the treasure code was really cool, too. Where did you get all those ideas?”

– “Old movies.” said Teresa. “Cheap old paperbacks. You know.”

– “No way I could have done that. Seriously. I’m really impressed.”

Teresa gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Sir.”

Dinner was excellent: the ribs were great, and the drinks flowed freely. So did the conversation. Everyone was discussing Sheila and Eliza’s devious moves. But people were also asking questions, sometimes shrewd, sometimes not. There was one more competition to be resolved: who could unmask the murderer?

I figured that if nobody guessed that it was me, that counted as a win. So I asked questions, launched veiled accusations, and watched faces, just like everyone else was doing.

Claire and Craig were never far apart. They kept looking at each other, and brushing fingertips. After dinner, they gave up any pretence and just held hands.

Ben hovered around Barbara, sometimes reaching out to touch her arm, or her back. But for her part, Lady Falcon appeared remarkably uninterested. She frequently moved away from him, obviously more intent on solving the mystery than on him.

As for me, I was very busy. While I pursued my campaign of disinformation, I was also reviewing the higher points of the weekend in my head. Scorching hot sex with Claire, in the boathouse: that would have to remain a secret. Barbara on the bunk bed: hot, hot, hot. And then a long, friendly fuck with Sheila, which I hoped would not damage our friendship. All in all, an absolutely epic weekend for me, which I would never, ever forget. When I was old and gray, I would be able to look back and remember this as the pinnacle of my sexual career.

Little did I know – the weekend wasn’t over yet.

P.S. Ben really did roll a ‘2’

P.P.S. Leo really did roll a ‘5’ – twice. And Claire really did roll a ‘6’.

Kita – Chapter 42 – Yellow Fever

While baby’s away in Florida, she’s been on my mind and I’ve been thinking about my attraction to women. Asian women in particular. I love all women of all races but find Asian women especially bewitching.

These days you can’t get anywhere with out someone being called out for having yellow fever. Lets talk about what it means honestly, without resorting to ugly name-calling that usually comes out of discussions around this subject.

The term’s been around for a while and is similar to the derisory term Jungle Fever to describe white women who are attracted to black men. That term has largely disappeared but the term Yellow Fever has really sunk in and become a well-known term not used exclusively by Asian women, although most of them are no doubt aware of the phenomenon.

Let’s be 100% clear on one thing: the Interracial Asian/Caucasian couples which are so frequent these days are the total opposite of the cliche of the THAI bride (typically married to an older western man, usually unattractive and with limited options),since the women are from the same backgrounds, similarly educated, etc. Unfortunately, people still have the idea that western men are exploiting so-called submissive Asian women?

Unfortunately the submissive Asian woman is largely a result of Confucian culture in which women are raised to respect men and follow orders from them. No doubt there are some men who will find this behavior attractive and this may be the reason why they are more taken by Asian women.

It must be admitted here that many men find American society to be incredibly rights based and libertarian. you can’t say or do anything without someone being offended. This has truly had a terrible effect on relationships, with 1 in 3 marriages ending in divorce.

I’d be prepared to bet that most women in modern interracial relationships are more intelligent and better-educated than their western male partners. Far from being submissive, most Asian women are very assertive, they simply have a different approach to dealing with say, their frustration and anger than most other women do. I don’t now how effective shouting is but most kinds of women still feel that this is the way to deal with relationship problems.

I’ve been spending time with Asian women for the last few years. I guess success breeds success because I’m making more and more friends with girls who happen to be Asian women. The thing is I know what I’m dealing with and it’s all very reassuring for me. I find that these women enjoy the same things I do and we are culturally similar in spite of being from very different countries I did some internet research on ‘yellow fever’ and it seems most people using it are some women who feel that men shouldn’t be attracted to them. And yet, what is a man supposed to do? When I was younger, I was attracted by blonde women who had long legs (because this was what society held up as a beauty ideal). So I went after these women, even though I was disappointed when I found out that they weren’t what I had expected.  In life, you must go after what you want in order to be happy. Being around these women makes me happy and I’m in no mind to stop, despite what some people would no doubt put down to an unnatural fixation.

According to an article on the Harvard Crimson, ‘There is nothing wrong with being a white man who is attracted to Asian women. Many times, it is a subconscious desire that you can’t really control anyway.’

And the article was written by an Asian woman, Nian Hu,

So there you have it.

So Yellow Fever be damned, here’s a song by one hit wonder, Yello.

I miss Kita!



Another Life – Chapter 40

It cost me 20$ and a whole lot of aggravation to get Laurie and Rina to promise that they would go to the Lion and stay until closing.

– “Ooh! Is there gonna be some noise down at the other end of the house again?” asked Rina.

Laurie elbowed her. “Rein it in, Rina. This is Rose we’re talking about.”

– “Aww. But this is Joe. Can’t we tease him a bit?”

– “You’re right. Tease away.”

The two of them had a good laugh at my expense. But Laurie came up with a good suggestion. “Pay our cab fare, and we won’t come home at all. Safer for us, too; I don’t know if I could carry Rina home.”

– “I wasn’t the one who needed carrying last time.” retorted Rina. “But if Joe ever wanted to carry me …”

That took care of having the house to ourselves. Then all I had to do was make it special for Rose. So I went shopping, and picked up all the ingredients I needed.

– “Where are we going tonight?” asked Rose, as we had breakfast together on Friday morning.

– “Nowhere. Dinner at home. I’m going to cook for you.”

That earned me a big smile. Rose loved to cook, but she’d often told me that it was wonderful to have someone prepare a meal for her, from time to time.

– “What are you making?”

– “It’s a surprise.” I said. “Well, not really – you taught me every recipe I know.”

– “I’m sure it’ll be great.”

I did my best. I’m glad that I did most of the preparation before Rose got home – because once she changed for dinner, and came into the kitchen, I got a big surprise.

It was early summer, and the evening promised to be warm. But I’d never seen her wearing a short sleeved, low cut blouse … with buttons down the front.

Rose never wore low-cut anything – yet here she was. A tremendous expanse of the top halves of her prodigious chest were exposed. How on earth was I supposed to concentrate on cooking? Or breathing?

– “You look … incredible.” I said. Somehow, I managed to pour her a glass of wine without spilling or breaking anything.

– “Thank you.” she said. Then she slid a $10 bill into my hand. “For my share.”

– “The meal is my treat. If it turns out, that is.” I tried to give her back the money.

– “That’s not for food.” she said. “That’s my share of the taxi money. For our roommates.” She was smiling as she said it.

I had to laugh. “Rina blabbed.”

– “Who else?”

The meal was fairly good, if I do say so myself. Rose seemed very pleased with it.

We had a second glass of wine – but that was all I was going to let her drink. I didn’t want her drunk – just warmed up.

Nowadays there are hookers (sex workers, if you prefer), who promise their customers ‘the girlfriend experience’. Well, I wanted Rose to have the girlfriend experience, but in reverse. I wanted her to know that she was my girlfriend, and that her happiness – her pleasure – came before mine.

Tonight wasn’t about fucking, and it certainly wasn’t a conquest. I hoped that Rose would have nothing but fond memories from this night.

I did a quick clean up, then snuck down the hall for a minute. When I came back, I picked up our wine glasses, and led the way to the front of the house. But I stopped just past her bedroom door, and turned around.

– “Oh – that’s … lovely.” she said.

I had lit four scented candles in her room. Rose was thrilled – and a bit nervous.

So I asked her to lie down on her bed. Then I took off her shoes.

One of the books Rose had passed me was ‘Stranger in a Strange Land’, by Robert Heinlein. I enjoyed it a lot – enough to want to read more of his work. I can’t remember the title, but one of his books gave advice: If you love her, rub her feet.

It worked even better than I’d imagined. Her toes were a little ticklish, but she moaned, in genuine pleasure, when I massaged the soles of her feet. It also relaxed her. After several minutes, I was ready to keep going, but she held out her arms.

– “Come up here.” she said.

– “I was going to give you a back rub, first.”

– “Mmm … that sounds wonderful, too. But I want you to hold me. And I want a kiss.”

I moved up the bed, and lay down beside her.

“You’re treating me like a princess.” she said.

– “You deserve it.”

Kita – Chapter 41 – While You’re Away – Part 2

So she and JR breakup and it’s a bitter mess. Bitch JR immediately starts posting pics of himself with another girl, which is just a knee jerk reaction to loss and revenge to your ex.

Kita gets an Instagram message from loser Steve, (Who is sadly from the same neighborhood as loser JR and they all know each other. You can see the jealously shit storm coming) and she starts seeing Steve.

Steve is an aloof motor head that has zero experience with women so this whole rebound is basically a steel ball bouncing off a bumper in a pinball machine and deflecting off to something else. (Cool thing is… I’m “Extra Ball” AND “Free Game!”)

I’m just the big old lion catching some shade during this whole party. I assess the situation and listen to poor Kita during her sad plight. I’m there for her. I listen and offer advice that’s of real value. I have to repeat it to her several times because baby just doesn’t understand men.

The entire time this is happening as this poor girl struggles with the rudders of love, I ply her with delicious, trail mix, (which she loves!), crackers, granola bars, bananas, and free special tanning lotions.

I take her out to dinner. It’s exquisite. She loves it. You’ve already read about it. I took her out to a really nice xmas lunch and she adored that too.

So let’s sum up…

Met her and had desire but no idea of anything. Just an adorable object of pure phicklephily, waitress desire. Get to know her. Great conversation. (All me) Advice. More snacks. (Baby loves snacks. I used to ply ex GF Michelle with fruit and snacks!) Pepper spray to protect baby. Special snacks. Dinner. Special tanning lotion. Xmas lunch.

So here we are. Kita’s had young love infatuation and loss. No sex. JR for 3 years a basic joke but got her little V card punched. Done. then rebound into moody loser, Steve.

I love irony. I’ve done stand up comedy in New York, Stockton State College, and the Laff House in Philly. I’ve been funny my whole life. I’ve suffered so much, that’s how comics deal with their loss and tragedy. They laugh at it.

That’s the only tools we have to deal with our tortured pain and suffering at the hands of others.

That’s a real thing that shapes who we are and makes us who we are, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s how the meek heal.

But there are several elements in play here. The irony here is quite obvious.

Lovely Kita is desperate to have love in her life. That’s completely normal. To love and be love is a fundamental need in humans. She felt that she had love for awhile with JR. That failed. Love fails more than it succeeds. That’s why it’s so elusive, rare and wonderful. She rebounds off JR in searing pain and falls into the arms of wrong guy/neighbor of JR, Steve. JR sees this on social media and pushes forward quickly with his rebound whoever chick he’s currently seen in his instagram pics “having an amazing time.” Kita goes into a tizzy and tries to make it work like I did with insane Kylie after Annabelle and it’s never a match.

But there is a monument standing before this pretty young thing. Unfortunately, she can’t see it.

It’s a gentleman.

A father.

A man.

He’s embraced her. He’s listened to her. He’s taken the time to learn about her. To spend hours with her. Teach her. Guide her. Care for her.

Listen to her for hours.

Given her delicious snacks she loves. Taken her out to dinner. Give her minty gum. Spend hours helping her with her life challenges. Learning about her. Really getting to know her. Buying her pepper spray to protect herself. More delicious snacks! Taking her out to a nice lunch at an upscale restaurant.

She’s so sweet and beautiful to me. I love Kita. I have no idea where this is going. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I feel like we’re on the edge of something. But the odd things is… Kita will be gone for a month and I’ll get a break from writing about her.

I have to say this…. (Here’s the purpose of this post)

The snacks, the talk, the gifts and the dates. I’ve built the model of what it should like to date this pretty sweet girl. That’s what i’m good at. Kita doesn’t see it but I’m going to play this out to see where it goes. I’m showing this little fool what dating should look like!

I’m showing you Kita what a courtship looks like.

This is what romance and life look like.

I’m painting the picture for you and you don’t even see it. I see it as a challenge. I may not win. But at my age I just enjoy your company. A sweet 21 year old girl with a 55 year old man that you continue to spend time with. I’m really enjoying my time with you. I have a girlfriend that adores me, and several other women that I spend time with. I love to be alone, but I can always pull the talent for any event I want.

Kita, you’re a special project for me. You can’t see it but I’m grooming you to be mine. I can’t help it. It’s just something I do. But I do love you in this moment.

When things are fresh and new.

I’m a simple man that’s happy now with my simple life. It almost seems odd to me that so many butterflies get caught in the net of my fatal charm.

I hope my ex-grifriends don’t read this and think less of me.

Kita’ll be in Florida for a month….

I’m going to miss her.

I hope she texts me.

if nothing goes wrong I’m going to hire her to work at the salon.

I hope I can write something about my girlfriend Cherie soon instead of this little doll.


I’ve been writing this blog for two years…. I appreciate those that have hung in for the Philly part of all of my stories, but sometimes I think the Phickle will be my undoing.