Another Life – Chapter 47

All the way home, Rose worried that she’d be too embarrassed to face Rina and Laurie.

– “They must think I’m an idiot.” she kept saying.

– “You have nothing to worry about. Rina’s the one who’s embarrassed.”

My roommates had a tearful reconciliation; Rose was more than ready to apologize for her snap judgment. Rina just felt badly that she had caused her friend such pain, however inadvertently.

That very night, we all decided to renew our lease on the apartment together. I would be going into my 2nd year of college, while Rose started her 3rd at university.

My girlfriend and I went back to normal, in a way. We made love almost every night (and a few mornings and afternoons). But our relationship was even more intense, and more passionate.

Rose realized that she could have lost me, had I not followed her home. That proof of my devotion (for lack of a better word) inspired her to show me just how much she loved me.

For my part, I was reminded of Laurie’s warning about Sam – that she was a wounded bird. Well, Rose had her scars, too, and they clearly still affected her thoughts and emotions. I did my best never to give her grounds for feeling jealous or insecure.

Rina continued to work her way through boyfriends at a rate of one per season. By Christmas, she was sitting down with Rose for advice on how to get – and keep – a decent guy.

Laurie and Eli went out for four months, and then broke up – spectacularly (I’m talking about flying dishes and a trip to the emergency room).

Three months later, they were back together.

And two months after that, they were done – this time for good.

– “Best year of my life.” said Eli.

Ray taught me more about the business, and suggested that a 3rd year in college wouldn’t hurt me. A change of program was easy enough. It would mean just one night course, and a summer course, but at the end I’d have diploma and a certificate.

– “They’ll look good on the wall of the office.” said Ray. “Besides there’s no hurry to have you here full time.”

Ray and Karen got married on New Year’s Eve – as Karen put it, so that Ray wouldn’t forget their anniversary. I was really flattered that he asked me to be one of the groomsmen.

My father and stepmother were invited, of course. I managed to exchange a few words with Dad, without having to acknowledge the witch’s presence. Dad wanted to know how I was doing at college, and he especially wanted to meet Rose.

He ended up coming over to the apartment in January – alone. Rose cooked a great dinner, and we had a surprisingly good time.

Rose and I knew, by the spring, that we wouldn’t be staying in the apartment for another year. We told Laurie and Rina well in advance.

– “We’ll be getting a smaller place – just the two of us.” said Rose.

Rina screeched, and did a little victory dance. Laurie surprised me by crying.

– “I’m sorry.” she said, between sniffles. “It’s just – I’m so happy for you. But I’m gonna miss you guys.”

– “Oh shit!” said Rina. “Laurie, you’re going to have to learn how to cook.”

– “Fuck that noise!” said Laurie.

Kita – Chapter 47 – Reckoning – Part 2

Reckoning: A bill or account, or its settlement.




So it looks like you guys have the gym going.”

“Yea. We’re getting some people in for personal training now. Do you want to check it out?”

We walk to the front of the salon and into the gym. It’s quiet even the though the city is buzzing. There is a women’s march today and it’s restaurant week.

We walk into the gym together and look out the windows that face Walnut Street. I’m actually happy to be standing next to little Kita.

“Great view, Charles.”

“It’s nice here.”

She takes my hand as we gaze over the hustle and bustle of the best shopping district in Philly.

“I’ve missed you, Charles. You’ve been such a great force in my life.”

“Thank you. I like to help people, Kita. I like you.”

“I’m sorry I never texted you and sent pictures from Florida. I suck as friend!”

“Hey. It’s okay. You were busy with friends and family. Don’t worry about me. Look… I got an extra banana today at Wawa, I must have felt something.”

For once, I really meant that in that moment. I did. Delaney be damned. I was just happy to see her again. We have a little history.

Kita continued to gaze out the window over Walnut Street. She seemed to be searching for something to say.

I sat down on one of the square box things that people are supposed to be able to jump up on if they’re in shape. To me in this moment, it’s a chair.

“When I was away in Florida…”


I can’t…”

“What is it, Kita? You can always talk to me. I’m your tanning counselor.”

She giggled. “Thank you for that… It’s just that you’ve been so good to me.”

“Well. that’s what friends do for each other, Kita. What’s up?”

“You gave so much to me and were so sweet to me.” She continues to gaze out over Walnut Street.

“I like you, Kita. You’re a nice girl.”

“But I was down in the keys in Florida an I thought about all these shitty boys in my life and how I struggle with them.”

“Well that’s called experience and growing up, Kita. You have to kiss the frogs to eventually meet your prince.”

“I know. But I don’t know what I’m doing and I make so many mistakes.”

“That’s part of growing up Kita. We’ve all had to go through it. I know it sucks.”

“But… it seems like when I’m with you it feels like how I want it to be with boys my age and it never is.”

“Awww… it’s because guys your age don’t know what they’re doing. They’re finding their way too.”

“I know but I want them to be like you to me.”

“I’m just happy to spend what little time I have with you. I just tried to show you how it should be, Kita.

“I never realized it until now, but now I know.”

“What do you know, Kita?”

“All of the sweet things you did for me are what dating me should be like. I never realized it while it was happening, but I woke up in Florida and realized it for the first time.”

“Okay.” (Finally playing into my dark wings)

I’m sitting on the cube and Kita approaches me.

She climbs onto my lap and kisses me deeply. Her tongue is hungry and busy. It’s as if she is searching for a lost toy in my mouth.

“I’ve missed you terribly, Kita”

“I’ve missed you too, Charles. I’m sorry.”

I kiss her neck and chest. My hands find her firm breasts and squeeze. Kita is a wonderful young girl. I love how she has so much virtue but yields to me.

I’m not preying on this little innocent angel.

She comes to me.

I’ve missed kissing my love. Her mouth is sweet and minty. I grab her hair and yank it back and she moans. I kiss her neck.

“Oooh be rough with me, Charles.”

(What the fuck is going on?)

I glance over to the counter and the salon is empty. I pull her top up over her head and suck her nipples. Her breasts are full and white. For a moment I realize that Kita tans with her underwear on. That’s weird. Most girls go au natural. I like the prude in Kita and that makes her tits even more desirable. Because I feel like I’m getting something I shouldn’t even be seeing.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

I have a brown nipple in my mouth. “I think you’re lovely Kita.”

“I think I’m ugly.”

“We’re celebrating your beauty right now, honey.”

Kita grabs my hand and shoves it down her pants. I feel a slight brush of pubic hair. (I love that.) Kita has left some of her womanhood behind. I love a hairy pussy because that’s there for a reason. The porn industry is a lie. Girls need to retain their pubic hair. Kita at least has some on the top.

My hand deftly caresses her soft vulva. My middle finger curls into her vagina. Kita throws her head back and moans. I keep looking through the little window of the salon to see if anyone has come in. It’s been dead, so I’m praying no one comes in.

“Oh… Your fingers feel so good in me, Charles.”

It’s weird to hear my former favorite client emit these words.

Right now she’s my favorite Number One client.

Fuck Delaney.

Kita is BACK.

“Kiss me.”

I dig into Kita’s little mouth with my lips and tongue. It is the most passionate moment of the year. I can’t believe I’m ripping into this 21-year-old girl.

I rip off her tights. I look at the window and no one is in the salon.

I need to devour her.

She flops back onto the square like a rag doll. I pull her tights off and she spreads her delicious legs. She’s beautifully tan and her caramel thighs are firm and supple. Her pussy has a brush of hair on the top. But her plump labia are shaved. I push her thighs open wider and her vagina opens to me. Kita has a short hood over her clitoris and a pair of little labia minora that open to me as well. I gently roll her prepuce back with my thumb and lick her erect clitoris with my tongue.

I flick her stiff clit and suck and lick her delicious, salty slit.

I can’t believe this is happening!!!!

Kita gasps and squeals as I deliver her orgasm after orgasm, swabbing out her hot cunt with my mouth. Kita actually is a squirter and I accept her juice and lap it up.

I’m rock hard and want to fuck her right now but I have to be careful.

I can’t believe this is happening!!!!!!

I hear the door downstairs open and I pull my mouth way from Kita’s sweet, sopping little pussy with a wet smack.

I limp to the counter, grab a towel and wipe off my face.

I send the client to a sun bed. They have no idea what’s going on in the gym.

I return to Kita.

“Oh my god. That was amazing. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“It’s okay, baby.”

I kiss Kita deeply and run my hand along her firm tanned thigh. I find the moist junction between her legs and caress her juicy slit again.

“I like when you touch me like that, Charles.”

I kiss her again. Her lips are sticky.

“Look… I’m confused, Charles.”

“Don’t be. You’re just living your life.”

“No. I really like Steve and I’m not over my ex but I can’t stop doing stuff with you.”

“You’re fine.”

“I should go.”

Sadly, in this moment I realized I may have groomed this confused girl into sex with me and left her to figure out real world relationships.


Things could always be worse.


Am I worse?



Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 48

She nodded. I had no need to worry: Teresa never gossiped, and secrets were sacred with her. “So you knew about all three? And it didn’t seem to bother you at all. At first I thought that you were done with me – that you wanted me to move on. But you just wanted me to know that other woman liked me. Because all the time we were together, I acted as if I couldn’t believe it – that you were with me – that it was some kind of dream. I was afraid that one morning you would wake up and realize that you could do so much better than me.”

– “You’re a handsome, charming man.” she said. “Part of your charm is that you don’t think that you are handsome or charming. You go out of your way to be … nice – for lack of a better word. That part is wonderful. Don’t change that.”

“But if you do it because you think a woman won’t like you otherwise … that has to go. Yes, you lacked confidence. You treated me like a Princess. It was really sweet. But sometimes … you would say things like ‘I can’t believe you’re with a guy like me’. Why would you question my judgment like that?”

– “So I gave you the impression that I didn’t think I was good enough for you. I put you on a pedestal.” I said.

– “A very uncomfortable place to be, all of the time.” she said.

– “I also realized another thing about myself. I’m kind of a … love junkie. In love with the idea of being in love.”

– “Yes.” she said.

– “You knew about my old crush on Sheila.” I said. “And that I had a thing for Claire, long ago.”

– “Most men have a wandering eye. But you – I was worried about your wandering heart. That you would always be curious about those girls you were infatuated with for so long.”

– “I never cheated on you, Teresa. I was totally in love with you.”

She reached out to touch my arm, gently. “I know you didn’t cheat. And I didn’t want you to. That’s part of the reason I broke it off with you. You needed to go out and ‘sow your wild oats’. That’s such a wonderful English expression. You needed to ‘mow down’ some women, and discover how appealing you are. You needed to hear it from others – not just me. Especially the ones you had unresolved feelings for. Satisfy your curiosity.”

– “I did. I think both Claire and I already knew that we wouldn’t make a good couple. Sheila’s different: she would make an awesome girlfriend. But the sexual chemistry isn’t quite there.”

– “And with Barbara?” asked Teresa.

I blushed. “Just … lust.”

– “I know.” she said. “I’m just teasing you.”

– “So that’s what I think you meant by ‘not ready’. Lack of confidence, and the ‘love junkie’. And then you added Lena to the mix. It took me until now to figure that out.”

– “Oh?” she said.

– “I think it’s all connected.” I said. “You knew that I put you on a pedestal. But if I had started a relationship with Lena, I couldn’t possibly have done that. She’s lovely, but she doesn’t have your brains, your cleverness, your wit. And she has none of your confidence. Lena would have needed protection, and nurturing.”

– “And you couldn’t provide that?” asked Teresa.

– “That’s not what I said. I could have done that for Lena. But it took me months to understand that you would like some protection, some nurturing, from time to time. I didn’t provide that for you, because I was too busy putting you up on a pedestal. I thought you were perfect – that you didn’t need that.”

– “Everybody needs that.” she said, softly.

– “So I would have learned that, if I had gone out with Lena. It would have become a habit with me, to be more supportive. Was that the idea?”

– “I’m sorry.” she said. “I was being very manipulative.”

– “Are you kidding? I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

– “But you did. You’re very wise.” she said.

I called for the check.

– “So soon?” she asked.

– “I’m going to take you home now.” I said.

– “That’s good.” said Teresa. “My roommate is away.”

– “I know.” I said. I took her hand, and led her out of the restaurant. “Should we get a cab?”

– “Probably faster if we walk.” she said. Teresa was as eager as I was.

Kita – Chapter 46 – Reckoning – Part 1


  1. the action or process of calculating or estimating something.
    “last year was not, by any reckoning, a particularly good one”




    working out








    • a person’s view, opinion, or judgment.
      “by ancient reckoning, bacteria are plants”





      way of thinking



      a bill or account, or its settlement.
    • There it is. A bill or account, or it’s settlement…


I was working this Saturday at the salon. I hadn’t heard from Kita the entire month she was in Florida. I’ve pretty much written her off and moved on. I got the one text that she was coming in to tan when she got back to Philly but didn’t respond. She kind of sucks as a person. But that’s just youth and privilege. She has all of these problems with guys because she’s clueless. She looked to me for advice and I did so much to help her. I even showed her how a guy should treat her. She’s so ignorant and dumb she couldn’t even see it.

All of the time I put in with her. The advice, the listening, and everything else. The gifts, the dinner, the lunch. She missed it all. Because she’s young, inexperienced and dumb.

Her petite Asian beauty is the only thing that has her hanging from a thread with me. But she’s been back for over two weeks and I haven’t heard a peep.



I know I sound a little butt hurt but what she’s done is just rude. But if I really look at it, It’s no worse than the horrible shit I’ve done to people as a youth. I created this relationship, and it’s failing before my eyes in a cold, dark silence.

Kita doesn’t even know. She feels nothing. She’s so self-absorbed, all she can see and feel is what her immediate needs are. It’s called being 21.

But the funny thing is, she was adopted into privilege. A dice roll that came up snake eyes. She and her sister won the lottery. My daughter is her very same age and is a more mature, better person than this vacuous little baby girl.

But like I said before, I’m the architect of this nonsense. I should have just stayed away and not gotten mixed up with her. All of the hours of advice and the long texts about other boys were nonsense. All a waste of time.

I think what made it hardest was the kisses. That’s what kept me in. Her sweet little kisses and our romantic moments. I’m a sucker for that with a girl and that’s the only thing that’s held me in this confusing and confounding game.

I’m actually okay with all of it. It’s not driving me nuts, because at my age I’m just happy to have any attention from young women. Cherie is still hanging in there but I don’t know for how long. Frankly, it doesn’t even matter to me anymore. Stay? Go?



I’m at the salon munching on a soft pretzel from Wawa. It has no taste. It’s just filler at this point. They were out of mustard packets so I’m basically eating a salty, flavorless, hard chunk of bread. Fuckin’ crap. Not even a real Philly pretzel.


I’m chewing a mouthful when cute Kita suddenly enters the salon.


I haven’t seen her in a month and a half. She looks the same. Not darker in the tanning department, simply the same.

I stop chewing and just stare at her in amazement. She was my number one and so much has happened since I last saw her. Sadly, the shine has gone off the apple.

I think about hot Delaney in the salon last night using the last of Kita’s lotion that I got for her and then dropping it in the trash. It’s laying in the can just 10 feet from her. I hope to God she doesn’t ask for her bottle… because it’s gone.


“Hey Charles.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. I’m sorry I haven’t been in to see you. But It’s a new semester and my class schedule has changed. That’s why I’ve been coming in during the morning.”

“I thought that’s what probably happened.” (I really did)

Yea. I have a bunch of classes in the afternoon now and it’s hard for me to get down here after 3.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. But I was just busy having fun doing nothing in the keys.”

I liked that she said that.

“I thought maybe you were staying away because you realized I did too much for you.” (I can’t believe I folded with that hand)

“Oh, no. It’s just my classes.”

I was praying that Delaney would walk in at this moment and worlds would collide and the new number one would meet the fallen queen. But that wasn’t going to happen.

“I’ve been talking to Steve again.”


I fucking hate this guy, He’s the rebound guy I consoled her on for an entire month and she’s still failing as a person with this loser.

“Yea. He called me when I was in Florida and said he was sorry for the way he treated me and that I didn’t do anything wrong. So that was good. So I’m talking to him again.”


Apparently “talking to” means kissing and hanging out with someone now.


I’m indifferent at this point and know that Kita will continue to make shitty decisions with men for the next decade. I simply don’t care. It only takes a month or so for phicklephilly to start closing doors and opening new ones now.

She tells me she’s been working out and is thinner now. She wanted to lose her belly but this baby is 5’1″ and petite and perfect so I don’t get it, but again, at this point I simply don’t care. (This is all part of her poor body image and general neurosis)

When I went to Wawa this morning I got what I needed food-wise for my shift, and I reluctantly picked up an extra banana. I thought I’d offer it to sweet Delaney, but now I am yielding to Kita.

Damn it!

“Do you want a banana?”

“I’d love a banana.’

I can’t go back. But here I am offering delicious fruit meant for my new number one and giving it to Kita.

Fuck me!

She doesn’t deserve it!

Kita happily accepts the fruit and munches it like the sweet little chimp that she is.

I’m worried she’ll ask about her lotion but she doesn’t, and wants to check out a couple of packets of two different stronger tinglers. Bombshell and Body Shots. After a long decision process she settles on Body Shots. It make me think back on to how long she took with the fucking menu at Gran Cafe L’Aquilla.

I’m so done with her. She’s just a boring little girl. I wish Delaney would walk in here so we could erase her together.

It would be glorious.



Another Life – Chapter 46

Rose was beyond embarrassed that she’d leapt to the wrong conclusion. Also, when you’re as angry, as hurt as she was, it’s not something that you get over instantly. She’d been furious , and bitterly disappointed – with both Rina and me – only a few minutes ago.

It’s like when you’ve been running hot water through the pipes – you can’t expect to get cold water until you let it run for a while.

So I let Rose talk. She apologized, several times. Then she began to tell me parts of her life story, which she thought partially explained her behaviour, and why she reacted the way she did.

“I was never pretty -” she began.

– “I think you’re beautiful.” I interrupted.

– “You’re biased.” she said. “What I mean is, none of the boys paid me any attention, until …” She looked down, at her chest. “Until these started to develop, in Grade 7. By Grade 8, they were already pretty big.”

“Boys started following around, trying to ‘accidentally’ fall on me. Some of them just grabbed me, and squeezed my boob. I had to walk around during recess with my arms crossed.”

“I heard some of the things they said about me, and about Christine Parr. They called us sluts. They thought that since we had developed early, that we would do things that other girls wouldn’t.”

“It got worse in high school. Older guys started coming on to me. They’d ask me to dance – but only the slow dances, so that they could press up against me. Some of them suggested that we go out behind the gym.”

– “That must have been awful.” I said.

– “I stopped going to dances. So I started to get a reputation for being snobby. ‘Too cool for school’, they said. That didn’t stop guys from coming up to me in the school cafeteria and propositioning me.”

“One guy said: ‘Those look really heavy. Can I help you carry them?'”

“But the worst part of it? The thing that really hurt? My sister Debbie was jealous of all the attention I was getting. She’s two years older, but not so …”

– “Developed?”

Rose nodded. “I think it really bothered her, that guys in her class were hitting on me. She never believed me when I told her that I didn’t want it. I just wanted to be left alone.”

“Would you believe, Joe, that my best friend was the school librarian? Mrs. Talarico wouldn’t let the boys bother me if I was in the library, reading.”

I didn’t know how to answer that. So I moved closer, and put my arm around her. There are people who look back at high school, and remember it as one of – if not the – highlight of their lives. ‘Glory Days’, as Springsteen so aptly put it.

But for many people, their teenage years were an ordeal, a long passage filled with humiliation and pain. Marty and I never belonged. It didn’t bother me – much – to be excluded. But I was also never the butt of cruel jokes, or of the type of harassment that Rose suffered.

I didn’t really want to know, but she told me about her first two serious boyfriends. The first asshole had been patient, and persistent. He’d taken the time to convince her that he really cared about her. She had ended up giving him her virginity, after their prom. He promptly told all of his friends that he’d banged her.

The next prick was in first year of university. He’d been charming, and intelligent. It took Rose six months to find out that he would only come over to fuck her, or to get a blowjob, when he struck out at the clubs, or at the dorm parties. If he couldn’t get laid elsewhere, Rose was his fall-back plan.

Is it any surprise that she had a fragile ego, where men were concerned? Or that she was wary of getting into a serious relationship?

I held her while she cried, imagining how difficult it must have been for her. And then to discover, as she thought, that the first decent guy she’d ever had was cheating on her, with her friend and roommate …

– “I wouldn’t do that, Rose.” I said, again.

She smiled, sadly, and raised a hand to touch my cheek.

– “I know that you care for me, Joe.” she said. “I know it. But look how quickly I was prepared to believe the worst, when I saw a naked woman coming out of your room.”

– “The only naked woman I want in my room is you.”

We made love after that. It was quiet (her mother was in the house), and a little subdued, given all that had happened over the past few days. Comfort sex. Like comfort food. Warm, and friendly, and unhurried. Good for the soul. We were both holding back, though.

I stayed overnight, and spent the next day touring Rose’s hometown with her. She showed me the first house they’d lived in, her elementary school, and her high school. I offered to burn it down for her. That earned me a kiss.

We took her mother out for a meal – nothing too fancy, but I wanted to show Mrs. S. that I appreciated her letting me come to see Rose.

– “You might be the best thing that’s ever happened to her.” she said.

That night, Rose let loose. It was the most passionate, most intense bout of lovemaking we’d ever had. With a small part of our minds, we tried not to wake her mother, or to set off the burglar alarms. Otherwise, Rose glued herself to me, and did her best to ride and grind me into an early grave.

In the midst of it, she lost control.

– “I love you! I love you, Joe!”

I waited until I had come – rather spectacularly. As we lay together, panting, I rolled over to kiss her.

– “I love you, Rose.” I said.

Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 47

A few hours later, people began running out of gas. Lena was one of the first to yawn. When she decided that she was ready for bed, I escorted her to her room – but only to the door. She gave me a sisterly peck on the cheek, and I wished her a good night.

That seemed to break the ice for other couples. Ben and Barb said their goodnights, followed by Craig and Claire. Eric and Sheila were debating – something about gangster movies. Eliza usually passed out early, but she was showing remarkable stamina on this occasion. And as long as she was up, Leo wasn’t going anywhere.

Teresa studiously avoided looking at me, so I didn’t look at her. Instead, I went back outside. It was a bit cool, but I wasn’t feeling it. I sat on the end of the dock, on dry land, and looked out over the lake.

I had no regrets. There was no way that I could sleep with Lena. I liked her, and I would gladly have slipped between the sheets with her – two nights ago. But now that I knew her a little bit better, and with what Teresa had told me … I just couldn’t do that to her. Lena deserved a decent guy who would treat her right. Somebody like Craig.

I spent a long time just thinking, asking myself questions that I didn’t know the answer to. I was a bit too drunk, and a bit too tired. By the time I went back inside, only Eric and Sheila were still talking. I fell asleep on the couch.


By some unspoken agreement, everyone slept in the next morning. I woke to Teresa gently nudging my arm.

– “Help me get breakfast started?” she asked.

Teresa didn’t mention Lena. Neither did I. We just gathered all of the remaining breakfast foods, and worked together in companionable silence. It was one of those slow-motion days. We cleaned up, packed up, and said our thank yous and goodbyes.


I did a lot more thinking over the next few months. There were social gatherings where we all saw each other, and I went out frequently with Lena and Teresa – but never Teresa alone.

After Christmas, Teresa started dating a guy named Brent. I disliked him instantly. Thankfully, she dumped him before Valentine’s day.

One cold Monday morning in March, I woke up, turned off the alarm, and got out of bed. In the middle of brushing my teeth, it hit me. I figured it out. Have you ever had that happen to you? You think about a problem, worry about it, drive yourself crazy … and then, one fine moment where you aren’t thinking about it at all, the solution just appears.

I called Teresa, and asked her to have dinner with me that Friday night. I suggested a little Mexican place which I knew she liked, the Tres Hombres.

– “Sure.” she said. “Should I call Lena? Who else is going?”

– “No one.” I answered. “Just you and me.”

I could’ve counted to three before she answered.

– “Are you sure?”

– “Very sure.” I said. “It’s time.”

It took a while for her to answer. Finally, she said “Alright.”

That gave her most of a week to think about it.

The restaurant was fairly small, and though it did a lot of business with the lunch crowd, it was pretty quiet in the evening. The food was inexpensive, but good. Teresa had dressed up a bit: she was wearing an orange dress, which complimented her long auburn hair. It was still quite cold out, though, so she sore a long-sleeved shirt under the dress, and leotards to cover her slender legs. The dress was low-cut, and she had undone several buttons, which let me look at an impressive amount of cleavage. We ate, and talked about school, and friends. Finally, though, she looked me over very carefully.

– “You sound different.” she said. “You look different, too.”

– “I’ve been thinking. For months.”

– “About?”

– “Teresa, why were you asking me to look after Lena? Were you trying to push me away? Or were you looking to put me on the shelf?”

– “What do you mean?” she said. That was my girl: she neither confirmed nor denied, and then answered a question with a question.

– “Were you trying to put me on hold? You knew that I wouldn’t just sleep with Lena, and then leave her. Not after what you told me about her. But Lena is only here for another few months. If I had gotten into a relationship with her, it would have ended when she moved home. Did you think I would forget about you in that time? Or that I would be available after that?”

That half-smile spread across her face. “Maybe I just wanted something nice for Lena. For both of you. She’s a wonderful girl.”

– “She is.” I agreed. “But she’s not the one for me.”

– “And you think that I am?” she said.

I didn’t answer. Instead, I treated her to a half-smile of my own.

– “Colin.” she said. “Do you remember what I said, when I broke up with you?”

– “That I wasn’t ready. I’ve been thinking about it ever since.”

– “Did you know, then, what I meant? Do you know now?” she asked.

I nodded. “I think so. You meant that I lacked confidence. You set up the Murder Mystery Weekend, and then practically ignored me, so that I would go out and ‘score’ with other women. So you know about Barbara, and Sheila?”

– “And Claire.”

– “That has to be a secret.” I told her. “For Leo, for Craig, and for Claire, especially.”


Kita – Chapter 45 – You’re No Longer My Number One – Part 2

Kita is an adopted daughter. Chinese, like her sister. For whatever reason snatched by her super rich parents. They’ve been rescued and given a life that’s extraordinary.

I’m hurt that Kita returned to the salon before my shift, but I’m just being butt hurt because I did so much for her. I’m foolish to be so mad at her for forgetting me over the last month.

She’s 21. Young, beautiful with family. Why would she text the old guy at the tanning salon? That old dude should be happy he even heard from her at all at her age.

She’s in the prime of her life. Think about when you were her age. You were in LA destroying that city with your stuff. Here’s a little girl who doesn’t even know who she is based on your last 30 chapters.

You just like her because she’s vulnerable, Asian, hot and tan. Oh, and the sweet legs.

Kita sucks, dude. She’s a clueless girl who’s super boring and is addicted to tanning because of some disorder that you can’t even imagine, because you don’t care enough.

Why would I ever want to be with a girl who doesn’t drink? Kita’s a boring loser. I’ve already established it. I really believe it when I’m with her in the salon.

But there has been the stress kissing and the touching.

I’m going to go against all phicklephilly rules and if baby ever slips, I’m going to follow though  (because sometimes I feel that she’s close…and I will strike like a cobra)

But I’m in this place of her being gone for a month after so much time together.

All of the dates.

The gifts.


Sometimes I think it has all been for naught. I’ve just been a nice guy. A dad in her life and she’s just collected on all of that. She has no idea. All of my gifts have been invisible to her. I mean nothing to her.

What 21-year-old girl would let me do all of the things I’ve done for her and not feel something ? Creepy or good? I still want to take her to Dave Busters for a day of fun.  I’m mad at her for neglecting me but I know I’ll still do it with her, just to be with her.

Do I broach the sugar baby moment with her?

Is it all weird and in vain?

Do I have that conversation with her? Do I have the conversation with Cherie for a three-way? It’s all insane. Kita’s basically a virgin and Cherie probably hates Asian bitches. I’m insane to consider it at all. I love the idea of it all though. Because I’m a perverse motherfucker. Why wouldn’t I want this?

Everyone that reads this blog wants this.

Or do they?

Kita could never handle it, but I love the idea of it even though I’m mad at her.

But stranger things have happened in my life, so I’m not ruling anything out.

We’ll have to see what happens in the coming days, but I’m butt-hurt by Kita and actively searching for a new number one at the salon. I need a new girl in which to give my affection. Lotions and free tanning and snacks. Whatever she wants. Kita’s out. It’s over unless she goes to Dave and Buster’s with me, but I think I’m done.

I say this…. but I know it could all change. If Kita’s behavior changes.  There’s no reason for a 21-year-old girl to give a shit about a 55-year-old man who works at a tanning salon that has fawned over her. No matter what he’s done for her.

It’s just an old guy enjoying the company of a pretty young girl.

Or is it?

Well no matter how this plays out, Kita’s no longer my Number One Client.

She has fallen from grace.

Update: Kita bought an All Access Premium EFT package. I guess her mommy finally put money in her account. She did all of this and I haven’t seen or heard from her at all.

There needs to be some sort of reckoning, right?




Another Life – Chapter 45

Ray came through for me again, and loaned me a car.

– “I might need a few days off, too.” I said.

– “Take as long as you need.” He knew why I was going.

l left Sunday morning, around 10 a.m.. I hadn’t thought to bring any tapes with me – which was fine, because the car didn’t have a tape deck. The songs on the radio all struck me as shallow, or trite, and the blaring advertisements were too jarring. I drove the last four hours in silence, alone with my thoughts.

It was late afternoon before I pulled up in front of the little bungalow where Rose had grown up. When I rang the doorbell, and older woman answered the door. Rose’s mother was a pretty big lady herself. If Rose let herself go, she might end up looking like this.

I chided myself for that thought. Maybe Rose had also inherited her kindness and generosity from her mother.

– “I’m glad you came.” said Mrs. S.. “I’ve never seen her like this.”

– “May I speak to her?”

– “Of course you can. Rose!” she called. “Someone’s here to see you!”

“Go ahead. Down the hall – last room on the left. Can I make you a coffee? Tea?”

– “Coffee would be great. Thank you.”

At the end of the hall, I found the door to Rose’s bedroom slightly ajar. She hadn’t changed the room much, from what I could see; there was still a Bay City Rollers poster on the wall, along with a picture of Shaun Cassidy.

I opened the door slowly. She was sitting on her bed, looking out the window.

– “Rose.” I said, softly.

She whirled around. “Who let you in?” she hissed.

– “Your mother.” I raised my hands as she leapt to her feet. “Rose – I wasn’t there when you saw Rina. I was with Eli. Rina was with Rick.”

Rose looked like she had been about to snap at me. Instead, a confused expression came over her face.

– “Who the hell is Rick?” she said.

– “Her new boyfriend. Rose, she went to my room to borrow a condom. I wasn’t there. I was with Eli. Here – ”

I held out the letter.

– “What’s that?” she asked, suspiciously.

– “It’s a letter I asked him to write.” I said. “You know Eli: he would never lie. We were at the Lion when you saw Rina. I had no idea what was going on until you didn’t show up for breakfast. Even then, I didn’t know where you’d gone until 10 o’clock last night.”

“Rose – please … let me tell you what happened.”

I don’t know if it was the fact that I’d shown up at her mother’s house, and surprised her, or if the mention of Eli’s name as a witness for the defense tipped the balance. Maybe it was the expression on my face.

She let me explain.

I told her the whole story. Rose listened, and didn’t interrupt.

– “Rina wouldn’t do that to you. To us.” I said. “Rose – I wouldn’t do that to you. I love you.”

Rose’s lips began to quiver. She put her arms around me – and the tears began to flow. I held her close, and gave her time to let it out.

– “I’m so stupid.” she sobbed.

– “No you’re not. Your reaction was understandable. You only made one mistake.”

– “What mistake?”

– “You should have gone into my room to kick me in the balls. Then you would have found out that I wasn’t even there.”

Mrs. S. knocked on the door.

– “Do you take cream, or milk, Joe?”

Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 46

Barbara found me, and wrapped me in a tight hug, giving me the full benefit of those heroically-proportioned breasts. She pulled me close, and whispered in my ear. “I can’t believe it was you all along. Just imagine if I had stabbed you in bed … that would have made for a different ending, wouldn’t it?”

– “I would have died happy, that’s for sure.” I replied.

I had to find Sheila, and congratulate her. “You timed it perfectly. In fact, you did everything perfectly. You didn’t look too eager to join us, so I never suspected a thing. I’m very impressed by your cunning and duplicity.” I doffed my tricorne, and gave her a bow.

– “Thank you very much.” she said, with a curtsey.

– “We’re OK, you and I?”

– “Better than that, Colin. Curiosity satisfied, and still good friends. Nothing to feel awkward about.”

– “I’m glad.” I said, and gave her a big hug.

Then I found Teresa. “That was wonderful.” I told her.

– “Glad you enjoyed it.”

– “Tell me: how did you assign the parts? It worked so well.”

– “You won’t believe me, Colin, but I took a page from your book, and left it to chance. I drew playing cards, matched to the different parts. I only cheated twice – I didn’t want Claire to be the Falcon – I think Barbara did a better job of that. Don’t you agree?” She treated me to her patented half-smile. I wondered how much she knew about what had passed between Barbara and me.

– “She was excellent in that part.” I agreed. “And the second?”

– “Lena as the gypsy. She could have been Penny, I suppose, but the other parts would have been hard for her.”

– “Speaking of Lena …” I said. Something had been bothering me, tickling at the back of my mind, since Friday.

– “Yes?”

– “I’m curious, Teresa. How on earth did Lena ever get picked for an exchange program, when she speaks so little English?”

Teresa tilted her head, to look at me sideways. It was a reflex of hers, when I said something particularly intelligent or perceptive, or when I surprised her. “Her uncle pulled some strings. It was supposed to be Lena’s cousin who came over. But the cousin got pregnant and was beginning to show. She would have had to go home to give birth. The family suggested Lena as a last-minute substitute, and her uncle called in some favors. And here she is.”

– “Wow.”

– “Would you do me a favor, Colin?” she asked.

– “Anything.” I told her.

– “It’s a big one.” she warned.

That caught my attention. I looked into her eyes. But my ex-girlfriend would have made a good poker player; she gave nothing away.

– “Your wish is my command.” I said.

-“You’ve been busy this weekend.” she said.

– “Me?” Playing innocent doesn’t work with Teresa.

– “Don’t be embarrassed, Colin. I told you to have a good time. It appears that you’ve been doing exactly that.”

– “Umm …” I had no answer to that.

– “Remember – I told you this weekend was not going to be about us.”

– “I’m a bit confused, Teresa. What is it you expect me to do? Or not do?”

– “I don’t expect you to do anything. Someone else might, though …” Teresa pointedly looked over my shoulder. Lena was standing on the other side of the room. She was sipping on a rum concoction, but plainly observing the two of us. I gave her a little smile. Lena smiled back. I turned to face Teresa again.

– “Jesus, Teresa – are you asking me to -”

– “You married her, Colin.” Then she saw the look on my face. “Relax. Breathe. I’m just kidding.”

– “Teresa, for Christ’s sake.” I said.

– “I’m not asking you to do anything you don’t want to do. But if you’re holding back, or staying away from Lena because you want to get back together with me, you’re making a mistake. This weekend is not about you and me. I mean it.”

“If you find her attractive – if you find her appealing, then you should do what comes naturally. If that means taking her to bed, then I would be happy for both of you.”

Can you imagine your ex-girlfriend talking to you like this? Neither could I. It was bizarre, confusing, and yet strangely tantalizing. Mostly confusing, though.

– “Now I’m going to tell you something you have to keep secret.” she said. “Promise?”

– “Of course.”

– “Lena hasn’t had all that many positive experiences with men. Because of her height, a lot of guys are intimidated. She attracted a lot of basketball and volleyball players. Most were assholes. They treated her like she should be grateful for their attention. It didn’t do much for her self-confidence, as you can imagine.”

Teresa reached out and put her hand on my arm. “She needs a nice guy who will treat her right. I know that you can be that guy.”

– “Teresa …”

– “Listen to me. You should act as if I wasn’t here at all. Do what Lena would inspire you to do. And if you do sleep with her, Colin – treat her right. Don’t fuck her a few times and then dump her. Don’t break her heart. But don’t deliberately stay away from her while you try to calculate your chances of getting back together with me. It’s not about that. It’s about Lena. Treat her right.”

– “Is that your favor, Teresa?” I asked. “You want me to sleep with Lena? And then be her boyfriend for the year?”

– “You’re not listening, Colin. Do what you want. Forget that I’m here. My favor is actually quite simple: Can I sleep in the den tonight? Alone, I mean.”

– “And where do I sleep?”

– “Wherever you like.” she said.

I couldn’t read her at all. That Mona Lisa smile, that sphinx-like expression that I found so alluring, now had me completely stymied. I didn’t know what she wanted. Hell, I didn’t know what I wanted. So I decided to take Teresa at her word, and act as if she wasn’t there. First, though, I asked her for a favor in turn.

Could I borrow your Slovenian-English dictionary?”

Teresa was pleased. She kissed me on the cheek, and went to get the little book.

The party was in full swing. Rum, beer and wine were flowing freely, and everyone seemed to be enjoying this last evening wearing their costumes. Armed with the little dictionary, I tried to include Lena in the conversation as much as I could. The others teased us about being married, and Barbara asked – more than once – where we would be spending the honeymoon, and whether she could watch. Lena didn’t have to ask me to translate that; she understood perfectly. And if the cute blush on her lovely face was an indication, she was probably ready to consummate our union.

Eric was in charge of the music, and he went on a bit of a Rolling Stones kick, mostly from the ‘Made in the Shade’ compilation album. It’s hard to go wrong with ‘Brown Sugar’, and I’ve always loved ‘Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker)’. Then he played another track from that album. Have you ever listened to a song multiple times without ever really hearing the lyrics? Or hearing them, but missing their significance? Then, one day, it finally hits you?

That’s what happened to me when the Stones’ song ‘Happy’ came on. Something finally clicked inside my head. ‘I need a love to keep me happy’. And just like that, I knew what I was going to do.

I took Lena out on the balcony, to see the stars. She came along willingly. We talked for awhile, about her home, and her studies. Then I told her the truth. Lena understood.

– “Teresa?” she asked.

I nodded.

– “She is wonderful. And very beautiful.” said Lena. She didn’t try to change my mind.

Soon thereafter, we rejoined the others.

Kita – Chapter 44 – You’re No Longer My Number One – Part 1

Kita flew back from Florida yesterday. Her flight landed in Philly yesterday night. She texts me that day to say she’s coming in to tan today. I didn’t respond because I’m pissed at her absolute neglect of me while away for a month in Florida. I know I’m just acting like a spoiled brat but I don’t like feeling neglected. But I know I’ve brought all of this on myself. As my mother would always say: “Your own rod licks you the hardest.”

Let’s recap:

I meet her. I fall for her because she’s young, cute, Asian, has a great tan, and sweet legs. All the wrong reasons to fall for someone. But hey, phicklephilly was built on bad decisions.

I get to know her and she’s pretty boring. She has no compass when it comes to navigating romantic entanglements. I give her oceans of advice and she’s still a foolish little girl. But she’s lived a sheltered life in affluence and is only 21 years old.

Whenever I went to Wawa I’d pick up an extra banana for her. That’s when it started. Then it was the cereal bars I’d keep at the salon for her. Then, the full on gourmet bag of snack mix because I know she loves snacks. I want to keep it going so I go on Amazon and buy a case of those snacks for her. (Half a dozen bags)

I give her free water when she’s in the salon and her bottle’s empty. I bought her pepper spray to help keep her safe in the city. I gave her a $45 lotion for free. I take her out to dinner and gelato at Gran Caffe L’Aquilla. I take her out to a special little Christmas lunch before she left for Florida. I gave her a nice bag of dark chocolate covered pretzels as a little Christmas going away present.

That’s a lot. I’ve gotten nothing in return. (Well I did get some sweet kisses and some adult feels so there’s that.) I get radio silence for a month while she’s lounging on a beach in the Florida Keys. Then she has the nerve to come right back in here to tan the day after she arrives and comes in when I’m NOT here?

I’m pissed!

But, like I said before, this is all my doing. She’s so young. I mean what was I even thinking?

Kita’s a sweet lost little girl who I’ve had the honor of spending time with as a 55-year-old man. She’s 21! What are the chances an old guy like me getting to have dinner with a sweet little baby like her? My life is beautiful. Most men my age would kill to do what I do.

It’s nice. I’m honored after all of my sinning I get to just have dinner with a pretty young lady. I have a girlfriend, but it’s complicated. We’re fine, and I’m dedicated to her but I love eating gelato with all of these other girls.

But there’s nothing happening.

What man wouldn’t want this? You have a girlfriend that’s a sex machine, who comes to your bed once a month and rocks your world. You love her as a person and the sex is fire, but you don’t get to see her all of the time due to her commitments. Her education. Her son. Her job at children’s hospital, her car in the shop. And whatever horrible responsibilities she has that she hides from you being a single mom who’s black and living in Pottstown.

It’s the perfect relationship for me. A girl who adores me, and is amazing in the saddle but is almost never around.

I love it.

I talked to my neighbor Trish (See: Trish – The She Wolf) about Kita and her neglect of me and she said we as artists do the same thing. We get really mad at those that neglect us because we’re so sensitive.

But I told her being sensitive is what makes us artists in the first place. The deep, hard feelings makes us absorb it more than other people, and we remember it and can create. She agrees. We have a sweet moment. She’s sitting on the floor of my apartment smoking pot, but all good.